Poems by Ruth Fazal

BEAUTIFUL WOUNDS

Beautiful wounds!
Born of love complete
And felt with depth unknown.
Beloved scars!
Reminders of the finished work
Of One who walked alone.
Hear the cry!
The anguish of a heart in love.
“Will you embrace My Bride with Me
And love Her as your own?”
The Sword of God has pierced me through
With trembling expectation I accept the call.
No longer is my life my own,
So who’s am I, but Yours?
My heart, Your heart.
Your cry becoming mine.
Agreeing to the wounding of Your love
Has been both my undoing and my becoming.
Beautiful wounds!
Beautiful One!
Beautiful tears!
I weep with Your compassion.

ALL I ASK

O Love of my heart,
The best of all that I can feel
abides within Your presence here.
To contain that which is so vast
becomes a sweet difficulty.
Unable to reach into the depths of your love,
Yet longing to know and be known.
Still hidden, waiting to be uncovered
is the richness yet to be found.
It is something about suffering, I fear.
And so I will with trembling hands
reach out to embrace what you embraced for me.
“Grace and Mercy” I cry
This is all I ask.

REST

A place of quiet rest
Is where You speak
My stilled heart,
Ready to receive Yours.
Enter in!
Why hold on to fast moving thoughts
And fading promises
That never held any truth?

Who will speak to me of love
But Love Himself?
Who will build the confidence within
But Truth, speaking what Truth knows best?
I stand on shaky ground,
Until I settle on the Rock.
All things are shifting
‘Til rooted firmly in this solid place.
It is so hard when I am running with myself
To choose to come
and enter into Your dance.

I stand here, vaguely waiting for something to happen
But, in truth I know where I belong.
And now I find myself here
stilled and quiet before You.
How did I arrive?
What did I do right,
to be once again in this place of rest?
Not my doing, to be sure!
I have struggled
Even felt tormented by the pace at which my mind was racing.
No, I am here by Your tender invitation.
It is Your gift to me
Such a gracious gift;
Peace, Peace, Peace.
I am here
I am still
It is you
My love
My all.

FROM DEEP WITHIN

I want to sing a song

so full of love

I long to lift my heart

and fill Your heart with joy

There's nothing more that I can bring

than all the songs that lie within

I don't know how to tell You

in the way I really want to

O God

"You are worthy,

You are mighty "

But is this enough to say?

Can this express the worthiness and strength

that make You who You are?

Is there a word in all the earth to really give you praise?

I think not.

How could such beauty be expressed

as I have seen and felt inside Your heart?

And so I stand here speechless

and from deep within I cry

“I love You!”

HERE AGAIN

Here in awe I stand

Before Your Throne of grace and brilliance.

Opening my heart to the beauty of Your love.

All around me Light streams forth,

Giving warmth

Inviting me to stay for ever!

How could I ever leave this place?

You have invited me to live here all my days,

Beside the sea of glass that surrounds You.

To carry deep within my heart

The eternal presence of heaven.

No longer do I need to come again

I choose never to depart!

FULLY SATISFIED

This is beauty

far beyond knowledge

And yet within me is the deepest knowing

You are here!

Complete in Your Oneness

You long to be one with me.

Full of radiant light

So dazzling that even though I may not see You now

Or ever in this life

The presence of Your burning heart is here

So near, that without sight

I am fully satisfied.

Passion now so deeply felt,

A yearning never known before.

No word sufficient to describe the stirrings in my heart

Toward You, my God.

My whole being aches,

My trembling heart longs for You,

and yet is deeply satisfied to find it’s home within Your own.

Simply being here with You

is all I ask.

I cannot see,

Perhaps I never will

But You are here in me

And I am fully satisfied in You.

MY FATHER'S LOVE

It is in You I find my name.

Once spoken will suffice to give me hope

That I can live my life unbound by other’s definitions.

It is in You I find my life.

Not in pursuit of affirmation given to make me feel of worth

Depending on the source from which it came.

It is in You I know my call.

And that not based on my achievements.

For I will surly fall someday

And then, outside of Your embrace

My vision would be shattered.

My place is here, my eyes are fixed on Yours.

Seeing in your gaze a Father’s perfect love,

Expressed in perfect sacrifice of Son.

My arms reach up to take You to myself

Secure that You have placed me here in your embrace.

I need no other name than that you quietly speak.

To know My Father’s love- it is enough for me!

GENTLE LOVER

You are the Gentle Lover
Ever strong, yet tender beyond my understanding.
What kind of heart contains such tenderness?
What expanse of mercy floods this chamber of intimacy?
I listen…
Even for just a moment, the rhythm of Your heartbeat brings such life to me
Enveloping me within the security of perfect love.
Coming closer, my head now resting on Your breast
I feel the warmth of this tender Flame of love
Whose ever present light gives life to my flickering ember.
I will remain here
Still
Quiet
Trusting in the flow of life that comes from You alone.
Understanding will come
But for now, ‘not knowing’ seems to be my resting place.
If I can learn love here
Then I can live it anywhere.

GETHSEMANE #1

Black
Darkness
The ground is cold on which I lie
My friends are gone
There is no one to help me through this night.
What is this weight that I am feeling?
It is a stranger to me
Crushing pain, confusion never felt before.
How can this be the way?
How can a cup be so bitter to drink?
Where are you Father?
Are you listening ?
Are you sure that this is the only way?
I feel the twisting and turning of accusation in my whole being,
Will I be the Son of Man?
Will the Stream flow freely from my side?
I know that You have said that it will be
But now, in this darkness, I do not see so clearly
And this pain!
This pain!….What is it Father?
You love me still!
I am Your Son!
But a weakness so severe seems to be taking hold of me.
O, Where are my friends?
Are they sleeping, through such agony and confusion?
How can they ignore my pain?
How can they sleep while the sweat pours from me, so heavy now
O my Father, they cannot even watch with me for an hour!
I fall once more to the ground,
This time, a rock becomes my resting place
My heart beats faster now,
Anticipating what You are about to do.
You would never leave me would you Father?
You and I are one
How can we be separated?
No! I cannot bear such a thought
I did not know that it would feel like this.
Alone
No one to be here with me.
All asleep again
They care
Yes, in their hearts they do
But they cannot drink this Cup.
But Father,
Will I drink it?
The weakness in my body
How is this strength enough to win the day?
The pounding of my heart is beyond what I can take
I think my whole being will explode
O my Father,
I do not want to do this.
Let’s just go back to the upper room,
And talk about this together.
Maybe my friends and I could go away together for a while
Where no one can find us…..

GETHSEMANE #2

The weight is unbearable
The tears streaming from the deepest part of me
What is this place of pain so deep
That it seems to embody the suffering of all that I have created?
I have walked among My people,
I know the longing heart
And now I am here
In the dark
In the night
Ready to drink the Cup
And to be poured out.
This love is breaking my own heart
The love I feel
Father, the love that has been between Us from the beginning
That is what I want them to know.
To know that You are true
And that You will never leave them.
But will you leave me?
Are they going to see me forsaken?
What will they think?
How can this be right?
O Father, protect them in my agony.
I do not want them to see me in this place of pain
How could they still love me in such a place of weakness?
What use will I be to them
As I am lifted up?
As you crush this Rock,
And cause the living waters,
Created from the beginning
To flow freely
That which has until now been a reflection
Will become reality.
But Father, will you leave me too?
Will they see You as unfaithful?
You, whom I have spoken of with such trust
O my Father, the weight upon my body is more than I can bear
What is this now that drips from my brow?
Blood?
Poured out
O My God, it is very dark.

GETHSEMANE #3

It is so deep inside
I cannot reach it
What am I feeling?
What is the aching?
Sprawled upon the ground now
It is beginning to feel cold
But I cannot get up
My mind is confused
I cannot feel the love that we have
You are here
Of course you are here!
But I’m fighting the confusion
Where are you?
Are you here in this garden
Or are you in heaven?
Do you know what I’m feeling?
O, what it is to have become one with my people
Such agony is the weight of suffering
Of lives lived outside of Your love
So much to put right
So much…

GETHSEMANE #4
Sighs too deep
No words
Just sweat
And this cold pain which I have never touched before.
How much can I take?
This heaviness I feel…where is it coming from?
It seeks to destroy me
No Jesus! No!
Do not weep so!
How can you be in such anguish?
It is my pain you are feeling.
How can I bring You some relief?
This grief should not be yours;
It is my foolishness that brings you to this place
Why should you have to carry it?
Jesus!…
Stop!
No! …No!
What is that cup that you are holding?
It seems as though you struggle to maintain a grasp of it
O my God!
What are you about to drink?
It is surely a poison.
No, do not drink from that cup-
It will kill you,
O my precious friend
This is all because of me!
No!
There must be another way-
Surely you do not have to carry this?
I see the sweat that pours profusely from You.
It is dripping…….dripping
O my God!…….it is …..blood!
How can a man sweat blood?
What is happening to You dearest friend?

EASTER RISING

Easter Rising
O bright and early rising Sun meet me here!
In the darkness of my longing shine Your light.
Breaking now upon the horizon
always You come
Though sometimes hidden by clouds
still You are there
Coming up
Rising
As a Bridegroom coming forth from Your chamber.
It is a new day
Yet forever ancient;
Seen from before all things began.
What triumph!
Never to be defeated
Here is Your joy
O beautiful Risen One!

LET YOUR MUSIC COME FORTH

O Breath of Heaven
Breathe Your life and music into me.
Let my heart receive
life-giving wind of Spirit
Blowing freely where You will
and, in turn
Bringing life to all who will inhale
and feel Your energy and power
As freshest air gives birth to life.
Within this heart of mine
is deepest longing to breathe only that which You supply
and put forth nothing more or less.
Let harmony and discord live in tension one with another,
being resolved only in the aching beauty of Your love and suffering.
Existing side by side, yet one within each other.
Breathe on me now,
Let Your music come forth!